My Hypervigilance and Anxiety are Gone.
Another milestone on the road of healing.
I’ve spent the last decade working on healing and transforming. From bipolar to trauma, massive social anxiety, PTSD flare-ups, addiction, and codependency there’s been plenty of work to do.
The results are well worth it though. Over the last couple of years I’ve had these amazing moments when I realize “I’m just not that way anymore.”
The first occurred with depression. For years I had checked the box at every intake. “Are you depressed?”
“Yes.”
Then one day on my way into the dentist I realized I wasn’t depressed. It wasn’t a matter of having a good day between all the bad ones, I no longer considered myself depressed at all.
With the exception of a few days spread out over the last two years that new identity has held true.
Yesterday I realized I’m not waiting for the next disaster to hit. There’s nothing inside analyzing the world looking for how it’s going to go wrong. My anxiety attacks are also gone.
They used to appear every few days no matter what was happening because for most of my laugh something drastic did happen every couple of days.
My body got used to the schedule, started flaring up even if nothing was there.
Not anymore though.
I have spent a decade developing mindfulness and finding ways to tell my inner world and body its safe now. I’ve spent years rewriting the stories within. Years sensing out my triggers and the little rituals that help me transform them.
I’ve changed up my diet to reduce anxiety and I get my exercise. I’ve built healthy relationships with others, established a career I love, and removed points of needless conflict and disaster.
I’ve developed a spiritual relationship that works for me and gives my life meaning and support.
With these changes, the body has slowly learned that it doesn’t need to respond to the world with anxiety and hypervigilance.
After living for a couple years without these flare-ups it seems the mind is finally realizing that’s not part of my identity anymore.
Our minds take a while to form new identities, to realize the old ways are gone and there is something new here. I got to say I am enjoying the moments of aha where I realize my whole world has changed.
I just wanted to share those going through the rougher parts of your healing journey. The brain and mind can change. We can heal.
It just takes the right tools and time.
Love and share.
I’m starting something new. Writing every day as I put my random thoughts down on binary paper.
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